Well, today was an emotional day.
Today, instead of being home with the kids, I had one last chance to get into my classroom, clear out all my personal belongings, strip the walls, and gather whatever I needed to facilitate "continuity of education" for at least the next 3 weeks, but probably the rest of the school year.
I'd been on the verge of tears for days, but today, driving alone in my car, I felt tears welling up as I got closer to school. And for some reason, as I pulled in and saw that empty parking lot, the chairs on the tables in the cafeteria, the flag still eerily flying out front, I melted into sobs of grief and fear. I wasn't even really sure why, but I couldn't stop. Our schools create such a sense of community and stability for our students. I have many relationships with so many students, kids who depend on me everyday, kids I just really connect with and enjoy mentoring. The thought of not being there for them, even though I fully support this closure, hit me in the chest. I will miss them, I will worry about them, and I will miss our everyday interactions, our micro classroom community, our everyday "aha" moments, and the journey of learning together. Relationships that have been cultivated for months or years are now dissolved into a once weekly online interactions. Maybe, in the face of a deadly pandemic, this doesn't seem like a big loss. But I, probably like many teachers everywhere, took a moment to grieve this loss today.
And then we got to work. We met in small groups to discuss Google Classroom, the weekly expectations for assignments and check ins with students, and that we will continue to meet virtually, as a department, throughout the closure. While managing an online meeting with my department might be hard while wrangling kiddos, I am really grateful and thankful that I will get to see my colleagues faces at least once a week, talk about how things are going, see what is working, what isn't and keep planning to make it better.
And then came the depressing (and frantic!) work of setting up online platforms and emptying out my classroom. We instructed to take everything off the walls, so the custodians could do a deep cleaning during the closure. Like many language teachers, my walls are COVERED with color photos, posters, maps and flags. With every poster I peeled from the wall, the more certain I felt that I wouldn't be back in this room until September.
My walls, a stark white, seemed shockingly bare to me!
I spent the next few hours thinking about what else I could possibly need: grabbing textbooks, paper and pens, uploading my entire desktop to google drive, scanning documents, mailing novels home that had originally been intended for summer reading, emptying my fridge, packing up various coffee mugs and lip balms scattered on my desk, filing and cleaning, tidying and organizing.
By the time I was done I had two tote bags filled of materials and resources to bring home with me, and I've decided that to make this work, I am going to need to set up a real home office somewhere in my house, preferably in a place curious little toddler hands won't grab all my supplies! Organizing goals, I'll let you know how that goes! I don't know why this hadn't really occurred to me until today, but I am going to need to find myself a desk!
After quite a crazy afternoon, I left school feeling like I'd accomplished a lot, ready to support online learning, and ready to reconnect with my students. It was still bittersweet and strange to leave the school building, but I felt less sad and more prepared by the afternoon. I am still very overwhelmed by the idea of maintaining this online learning environment for my 5 classes while homeschooling kids and wrangling one fierce, large and in charge toddler!
It was good to get home and be with my family. As always, a day apart from the kids does wonders for my sanity, and it actually makes me miss them! As emotional as today was, it was good to have a day out of the house (albeit my last one for a while!) and feel productive.
Other notes: Went to the coop after work, and they had EVERYTHING. I got flour, bread flour, bread, potatoes, vegetables and TOILET PAPER! Yes they had plenty in stock! It was amazing! They also had tons of fresh produce, I wonder if having local suppliers/farmers means they aren't having the same supply chain issues as big supermarkets. Anyway, I was so happy and felt a little bit less like we might all starve to death or be wiping our butts with our hands in a few weeks (thanks hoarders!) My husband thinks we are about a week away from full lock down so...time will tell!
Wednesday, March 18th
US Cases: 8.017+
Vermont Cases: 19
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