Adventures in Quarantine

I awoke to snow on the ground. What day is it? What season? In a moment where the passage of time feels slippery and elusive, ephemeral days blur: A moment negotiating with a toddler feel like hours, but suddenly it dinner time and I sigh with exhaustion at the thought of feeding 5 people again. Again.  Didn't we just eat? I get two pages into reading before I am interrupted and need to put it away.  I get two thoughts into writing, when the urgency of sharing a toy forces a pause. Life feels chopped into little moments, a stream of consciousness from which I am always sidetracked, constantly distracted.  I sit down to work, and at the moment when I feel some sense of focus, the office door opens, and someone needs something: a question, a snack, an ant that needs to be killed.  Something that pulls me out of organizing the next 3 weeks of exam prep for AP French and into the immediacy of a scary bug, on the wall, right now. Even E cries at the end of the day, ...

My husband and I both have full time jobs. But neither of us can work full time. We can't. We can work half days, and we can trade.  But then the work piles up.  We simply can't find a way to get it all done, and also care for (not to mention teach) our 3 children. This week, thank goodness, is school vacation. Especially with me being sick and exhausted, it is a good week for us to get caught up, but I still have hours of work everyday if I want to get caught up from last week and plan my classes for next week. Then I start to feel angry and get on my soap box about how our society and culture treats parents and children and families. As a French teacher, I'm constantly contrasting my experience with friends in France. My French friend had 6 months of paid maternity leave, after which she had the right to work part time (for 80% pay) until her child was three. Why three? Because in France, the free, high quality preschool care doesn't start until age 3, so they need ...

It appears I have pneumonia. Appears, because I am still left with many questions about what is really going on with my illness. No doctor has listened to my lungs, and I haven't had a chest x-ray. In a new world where diagnosis is done over the phone and online, it can be hard to get answers. I think I have pneumonia, at least I'm being treated for it. Let me be clear, my doctors are amazing, and doing amazing work right now. On the chance that I did get a false negative, there is no way  I want to step foot in my doctor's office right now. I'm still coughing like crazy, and the chance that I would infect someone else (with whichever version of viral pneumonia I have, Covid-19 or otherwise) is high.  They are making the right decision to keep me at home and do this from a distance. It just feels so isolating. I know it is the right thing to do, but it doesn't mean it is easy. I kind of feel like I am fighting this fight alone in my house, on my own. I imagin...

My lungs sound like a sun chips bag! Crinkle, crinkle, crinkle. I did too much today. I noticed it yesterday morning but this morning it was louder and more prominent. This crazy crackling, popping, almost gurgling sound in my lungs, especially on an exhale. The cough also suddenly felt looser, had a rattle, and almost sounded productive. This morning I was on the kids so Mike could have a work meeting. I was feeling better, and I thought I was up for it. But walking around, and talking (why is there so much talking?!) quickly wore me out. By 10:30 I was laying in a ball on the couch, exhausted. Breathing, but breathing heavy, labored breaths. I cannot remember now whether or not it hurt to breathe at this point, it just felt exhausting. Talking felt like too much effort.  The kids were great and entertained themselves. I had google meet classes scheduled to today. Luckily it was my lighter day, only two classes, 30 min each. I worked from noon to three, with classes during ...

So, it all started last Friday, with a headache, then a fever, then the aches... Friday night was rough, my whole body ached, especially my hips, and my fever was around 101 all night. Saturday morning I took Tylenol which quelled the aches and fever, but then the respiratory symptoms started.  Tight throat, tight chest, dry cough.  I called the doctor and got some advice, and pretty much stayed in bed all day. Rest and fluids, rest and fluids. Saturday night, even after Tylenol, I had crazy night sweats and fever dreams. I was a daze of soaking clothes and coughing fits. By Sunday morning the fever had broken, but the cough was getting much worse.  It had changed from just tight to the feeling to the feeling that the inside of my lungs were on fire. It hurt to take a deep breath. Sunday was S's birthday!!! So of course I needed to make some kind of effort. So I got out of bed, made the kids breakfast, decorated some cupcakes, and tried to participate in S's zoom b...

From my spot in  my bed where I have been stationed for two days, I have a nice view of the street below and the house across the street. I've been in bed since Saturday, when all the covid symptoms started, but more on that later. As I look out the window today, I see my neighbor standing in the frame of her front door. Peering through sheets of rain plummeting from the gray sky, and I can see her silhouette leaning against the frame of the doorway, looking down at the phone in her hand. I know she is leaning in that doorway because the cell service in this town is notoriously  bad, especially when there is inclement weather. I remember one summer night standing in my front yard, frantically yelling into my phone with the on call doctor as thunderstorms rolled in. My first child was young, and had a chest cold, and wasn't breathing well. Service cut in and out, and I remember trying first from the yard, and then driving into town to be able to have enough bars to talk. ...

Today the dam of emotions broke. I starting crying and just couldn't stop. We had a glorious (by new normal standards) Monday and Tuesday. It was SUNNY, we actually had nice weather. With the ability to go outside in our yard, this is so much more tolerable, and life seemed almost like a normal summer vacation day. The sunny weather made sitting in front of the computer for hours harder, but it made my time with kids so much more enjoyable. And then the last few days have been rainy.  In addition, quarter three grades are due Friday (tomorrow). My school work looks like this on a weekly basis: Figure out how to totally re-invent my curriculum for online learning, find reasonable (but hopefully meaningful) learning activities, write a weekly learning plan for all 4 of my classes, post those in my 4 google classrooms, check all the work that was turned in last week, email all the students and parents that are missing work, communicate with administration and guida...

And turns out, my ski buff is really gross and needs to be washed. Also, I read, to avoid polyester (the virus lives on it longer?) so I guess I am going to attempt some of those DIY fabric masks with hair ties. I don't know why, but seeing everyone in masks makes it all a little more real, and kind of freaked me out and made me want to cry. This isn't a drill people!

Nooooo!!!!!! Only in 2020...

You guys! I wore real pants, for like almost a whole day. A lot has happened in 4 days, I'll include some highlights. Awesome things: We did our Friday night takeout routine and it was great. Also, I can't believe that Friday would have been my THIRD post about Fridays. This self isolation has such a strange and surreal compression of time...everything feels like an eternity and is moving so fast all at the same time. My Aunt from NH came for a quick visit. I don't know if this is within the rules or not, but she had two huge boxes of stuff for us: Amazing fairy house making supplies and early birthday presents for S and toys and crafts for the whole family.  Her oldest son who normally lives and works in Colorado (and I don't get to see often) came home for a visit mid-March, and, you guessed it, has been stuck here ever since. They delivered the goods, sat in lawn chairs in our yard while we hung out on the porch for an hour or so, and then headed to say hi t...

Sometimes I am not sure what to write. What will I want to remember years from now? Should I be recording a (depressing) round up of the days news? Just a log of our daily activities? Is it OK to have a sense of humor in the middle of a global pandemic? These are questions I don't know the answer to! Yesterday, Day 16: I had the morning shift today. Feeling the pressure to be an amazing home school teacher, along with everything else. I tell myself daily to let this go, to do whatever feels right, but some days I feel guilty and try to pull off some actual academics. M is working on an opinion piece about Harry Potter, and today we really tried at this "sink or float" experiment that the teachers posted. Do you know if a mango sinks or floats? Turns out a mango sinks! Cool!  This also led to some fun outdoor time and building a fort with a parachute! Also turns out, E has a UTI, so I had to to the pharmacy, which was a little scary.  We were able t...